So I discovered some really frustrating news recently as it relates to my book. The publishing company I was working with closed up shop. After twenty two years; one day open the next day closed. End result, I am losing 100% of the investment I had put into publishing my book. I wish I could say it wasn’t much money but in truth it was a lot of money. Thinking about it makes me sick. So now the money I had saved up for the book is gone and I’m still at ground zero. Disheartening, to say the least. I don’t understand why it’s going down like this and I find myself asking a lot of questions. Did I misunderstand what I felt like I was supposed to do? Did I want to be an “author” so badly I ignored blatant reasons not to proceed? I don’t really know those answers. I do know that it was the biggest financial risk I have ever taken on myself. I remember writing that check and saying, “Ok God, here we go.” I’d be lying to you if I told you I haven’t been mad, sad, hurt or frustrated. I’ve gone through the full range of emotions but after I had almost finished my pity party I finally decided to seek the Lord. He revealed to me a whole new perspective as it relates to this situation and the “lost” money.
It’s not about the book. It’s not even about the money. It’s about the step of faith that was taken and without that step there’d be no loss of money. Doesn’t every step of faith require some sort of sacrifice? Just because a step of faith doesn’t turn out like you had hoped, doesn’t disqualify it from being a step of faith. Steps of faith change everything, but we always seem to remember the steps of faith that “worked” out: Noah, Abraham, David to name a few. We think of them making one huge decision that changed everything when in fact it was many small steps that got them there. Think about David, Abraham and Noah and the many other stories leading them to the stories we hear about. But what about the steps that resulted in an “unfavorable” result? Each of us has been there. One bad result and all of sudden God cannot be trusted or I really can’t hear from God. We are not alone. Think about Peter, Gideon, Sarah, Job, David and Jacob. One of the first stories I think about Peter is walking on water. He takes a huge step of faith by trying to walk on water. He gets out there and does it for a while and then he takes his focus off Christ. I don’t know about you but I can relate. I always think about the other disciples not focusing on his step of faith but focusing on the physical result. These two are not always related. Want some other examples? Check out the heroes of faith mentioned in Hebrews 11:32-38:
32 And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, 33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. 36 Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. 37 They were put to death by stoning;[e] they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.
Every time I read that I get bumps and those verses make my little hiccup seem really small. When I choose Him over my pride, over selfish desires and have faith that He does in fact use all things for my good, life is full and fruitful. As I continue to read Hebrews 11 over and over again I start hearing more clearly from Him. I start embracing the battle around others and myself. I realize I need to trust Him in me. He’s there. He’s speaking. I need to take the time to listen. I accept the fact that I need His direction on everything and anything. No decision is too small. The best example I can think of are those Direct TV commercials. I’m sure you’ve seen them. Here’s an example:
When you pay too much for cable you feel down.When you feel down you stay in bed. When you stay in bed they give your job to someone new. [Animal Keeper]
When they give your job to someone new he has a lot to learn. When he has a lot to learn mistakes are made. And when mistakes are made you get body slammed by a lowland Gorilla.
Don’t Get Body Slammed by a Lowland Gorilla.
Get rid of Cable. And upgrade to DIRECTV
This seems light and funny but in reality it’s truer than we know. One decision influences the next and so on and so forth. I seem to prefer to make decisions independently of God all the while waiting, hoping and wishing that He would give in or show me that He is truly love like He says He is in the Bible. Instead I should go to Him and follow His lead. If we would make decisions dependent upon God we could avoid so much heart break and stress. There are two kinds of pain: avoidable and unavoidable. Avoidable is just that, assuming we are actively listening and doing what the Lord tells us to do. The second is that which occurs from living in a world of sin. Personally, my life too often looks this:
When you pay too much attention to what you want, you get frustrated. When you are frustrated you get mad. When you get mad you blame God.
When you blame God you ignore his voice. When you ignore his voice you missed out on his perfect will for your life.
Don’t miss out on God’s perfect will for your life.
Stop being self centered.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lived this out. Have you ever wondered what your life would look like if you just listened to Him a little bit more?
In my situation, if the money were used for its intended purpose, that would have been awesome. But, the Lord continues to teach me over and over again that in our weakness His power is made perfect. He is the ultimate restorer. I believe God will do more with the book now, than if the money would have been used as planned. I think of it as a down payment for a future opportunity that will far exceed anything I could imagine. Evil hates any and all steps of faith. But there is one thing that evil hates more, steps of faith that result in tough or bad circumstances yet in spite of them faith remains. I don’t know your situation or where you’re at with God but I do know there is a step of faith right in front of you. Just like a baby taking its first steps He is there beside you leading and guiding you so stay close to Him. Isaiah 41:10 states:
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
So while we all have setbacks, these setbacks are only to the degree that we allow them to be. You don’t have enough faith? Try Matthew 17:20 for size:
He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Sounds like faith is sort of a big deal. Faith cannot be measured, but only exercised. For me, I’m going to continue to blog and hopefully more often, all the while continuing to sow into a book I believe that the Lord has and is continuing to plant in me. I don’t know what you feel the Lord is planting in you. Whatever it is I implore you to not give up. Continue to persevere when you’ve lost all sight of hope, continue to fight when you become weary and hold onto truth tightly when lies surround you. Never forget, every ending we face on Earth is merely an unexpected beginning.
